Dear Mary Watson
by rddhi
Summary: Dear Mary Watson, If this letter reaches you, then you know that I have left London for good...


**Genre-** Alternate history.

 **Tittle-** Sherlock Holmes.

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 _ **Dear Mary Watson** ,_

 _If this letter reaches you then you know that I have left London for good. You might wonder where I'm off too. But to be honest, I don't really know either. I wrote this letter to you because I believe or more like I know that you are the only person I can think of who will miss me if I'm gone. I don't know why I even thought I could live in a place filled with all these memories of us together and continue living as though nothing ever changed, well in some ways things didn't change. I guess it was me who changed, more like my feelings changed. I never expected all these feelings to be_ _overwhelming,_ _but shouldn't I have known to expect the unexpected. I didn't take this decision based on the events that happened few days back. It was a decision based on all these past years; you know, all this little things added up to a very big thing which made me move away._

 _You always knew I felt like an_ _outcast_ _in our group of all these wonderful people. I don't know why I felt like an outcast though. I always felt like I wasn't important to anyone at least that's how I felt by his actions. I felt like I was a means to an end, the person everyone comes to, if they needed something._

 _Sometimes I wondered why I am this way. I so badly wanted to change myself. I don't really know why but_ _what I know was that there, was, is this constant push and pull of thoughts and feelings inside me like the waves during a storm._ _I wonder if this storm inside me will ever really stop. I wish I would have known how to stop all this_ _turmoil_ _inside me, but I couldn't. Was it the lack of trying on my part? No definitely not. I guess it's just me this way now. He was right you know, about not choosing to feel your emotions .Maybe he played a role in the decision I made today. But I'm not blaming him or anyone for what I chose to do, because it was me and me alone who decided to move away. I was_ _delusional_ _wasn't I_ _? He never did actually mean those words about not feeling emotions, did he_ _? He never did actually love me, did he? I always believed his attention to be love. If I had known all he ever wanted was attention, I would have known he never wanted me at all. But now I think about it, a part of me knew all of this was a lie but I silenced those thoughts and made myself believe, he actually did care for me like I did, but now I know he didn't. all he wanted was some attention but never more .I should have known. I shouldn't have let him but silly me I never could refuse what he wanted. It's just I feel used and worthless. I did everything he wanted me to. I made time for him. I was there every time he suffered through tough times and heart breaks, but I never ever thought I would go through the same thing, silently at a later time, all by myself. I let him walk over me thinking that he could see how much I cared about him,_ _how much I valued our relationship_ _, but he didn't._ _I thought true to his words he refused to feel anything, but I was so wrong, he just didn't feel anything towards me._ _In the end I was the one with a broken heart, while he on the other hand is happy with someone else._ _So I thought_ _'shouldn't the one you love be happy, even if it's not with you'? That's what I tried to do, I tried to move on, but I couldn't_ _Mary._ _I just couldn't. Seeing him every day, watching him fall in love with another was too painful._ _It just felt like my heart was being ripped from my body and crushed into a million pieces. Is this how everyone feels when the one they love doesn't actually love them back? When he invited me for his wedding, it broke me down completely, I guess that was the final straw which made me leave this place. At first, I decided to change my apartment and called the_ _movers_ _because of these memories, we had of us in this place, would forever haunt me. So the packing was done and the movers would move them to the location I would later decide._

 _But then on his wedding day, watching him wait on the_ _aisle_ _for his wife-to-be made me regret coming to the wedding at all. But when have I ever said no to him when he asked me something, never been able too, I don't think I ever will..._

 _As the bride started walking towards the aisle. I briefly felt his eyes on me but maybe I was imagining things, because he clearly had eyes for her and only her. With each step she took towards him, all I ever wanted was to scream and to tell everyone, to tell him, how I was actually breaking inside. But I couldn't, couldn't shout, couldn't watch him marry another. So I walked away with tears in my eyes with my heart breaking again. Can a broken heart break again,_ _Mary_ _? How many times can one really experience heart break? I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, my head was filled_ _with this fog. I felt numb with every step I walked_ _. I just wanted the pain to end. But I wonder, will the pain really end? Will I ever stop feeling this way? then something in me struck, I just reached my apartment, packed my bags, walked out from this place that I used to call, 'my home', for all this years._ _Now that the memories started hitting me like a brick, I just knew I couldn't live in that place any longer._ _I knew I wasn't brave enough to watch him be happy with someone else._ _So I changed my number and everything that even shows so much as proves that I used to live here._ _I knew nobody would notice my absence or even miss me. So I decided that a change of place and a bit of travelling might actually heal my already broken heart .but the more I thought about it, it felt like I was taking the coward's way, running away from_ _the root of_ _my heart break. With time if I'm lucky I may heal and I might forget him, but I knew I couldn't._ _Because who could ever forget Sherlock Holmes?_

 _So I boarded the first available plane and I did what I was good at..._

 _I ran..._

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 **Notes** -I own neither the characters from this story nor the show from which they originate. This is my first sherlolly fan fiction and English isn't my first language, so please excuse any mistakes.


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